jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize