Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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