I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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