that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
how does that bad decision feel?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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