watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
