Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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