no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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