What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
