when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
