Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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