Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
