I have demons in me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
