All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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