Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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