What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
