I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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