Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
