We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
