So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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