there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
