I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
