Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
