He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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