I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
