I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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