Need sex. Gaining weight.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
