Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
What a dumb baby whore.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
