It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
the liver wants what the liver wants
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
