My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
