is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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