I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
