Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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