You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
