We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
