Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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