I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize