sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
