stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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