I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Text me some of your sweat
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
