He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
