Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
