You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
