um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
