11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
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