so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Text me some of your sweat
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