People with herpes should wear stickers.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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