dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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