Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
