operation have a gay friend backfired
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
