tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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