So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
