its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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