Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize