I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
