This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
