just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
