no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
