I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
