my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we made out on top of his cat.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
