I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
