just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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