dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize