I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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