Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
