I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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