I hate your face
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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