I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
