Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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